In honor of the upcoming holiday.

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. I feel like it was Christmas just yesterday, but then I look at my daughter, remember what she was like last Christmas, and then I feel like Christmas was 5 years ago because there is no way she could grow so much in less than a year.

Anyhoo, I thought that in honor of Thanksgiving, I would write a post showing you some of the items around my home that I am really loving. Trivial items that I am really thankful for. I think that everyone remembers to be thankful for things like the health of their family members, the roof over their head and the clothes on their back. But, many times a day, I find myself in real awe of some of the trivial things I have. It really doesn't take much to make me happy. I am the kid who plays with the boxes and wrapping paper on Christmas morning. You'll see what I am talking about once you really get into this post.

The 3 large glass canisters in the back, plus another large one that is in my kitchen, are from Value World. All 4 together cost me around $4 I believe. The little one was $1 at JoAnn. I love these canisters. First, they are great for storing things in an attractive way. I store Q-tips, cotton balls, hair ties and miniature bobby pins in the  ones pictured. The one in the kitchen holds instant coffee packets. Second, they were inexpensive. Thirdly, I really like keeping an eye out for them when I go to places like Value World and Goodwill.

 

These little bottles of color bring a hint of sunshine and femininity into my life. Nail polish has only recently become an obsession of mine, before I hated nail polish. It always chipped right after applied, or it would smudge. I just couldn't figure it out. Anyhoo, for the past couple of months I have been stocking up on Sinful Colors nail polish and I love it. It usually will go chip-free for a week, which is good considering I have a one year old. And a week is the perfect amount of time for me because by the end of a week I am ready for a new color. I am particularly fond on the price. Meijer carries Sinful Colors for $1.88 a bottle! And sometimes it will be on sale for 2/$3.00!!! That is WAY better than OPI at about $8 a bottle. Plus, OPI only comes in "normal" nail polish colors at Meijer, no fun colors.

 

 

The picture above is my work space. This is my little corner of the apartment. I can craft, write, or just surf the internet from this cozy little corner. I am a little OCD about this area. Notice the all white furniture, yea, it has to match. Also, notice the amount of organizational stuff. There are cloth cube drawers and a tower of drawers. What you can't see is that inside some of those cube drawers are cups to help me further organize the already organized. Yes, it is ridiculous, but it is MINE. When you have a kid it becomes more important than ever that you have a space where you can do you. Shoot, just tonight I sat at my desk and applied fake nails while watching YouTube videos. Pretty soon I will craft our Christmas cards from this little nook. Also, two more of my favorite items can be seen in the above photo: my sewing machine and my Cricut.

This is no regular rocking chair, this is an Ava-size rocking chair. Now, why would this chair possibly make my list? A chair too small for me to sit in? Because every once in a while there will be an item belonging to Ava that makes me feel that we are especially succeeding as parents in giving her everything she needs and then some. When she was an infant it was her fuzzy Pooh blanket. That blanket was a luxury item that cost $15, which might not seem like a lot to some, but when you are scrimping and saving for every little baby item, a $15 blanket is a luxury. Every time I used that blanket with her it felt like she had everything she needed and a little more. Now, we didn't buy her this rocking chair, in fact, it was lent to her by her uncle Isaiah, my nine year old brother. So, why does it make me feel like we are succeeding? Because, she has so much of what she needs and wants that people are lending us rocking chairs instead of sending us jars of baby food. Do you see what I am saying? My daughter has her own rocking chair, which is both ridiculous and adorable. But I am so glad that she owns some items that are just ridiculous, not just items that are necessary.

 

 

I am obviously thankful for food, but that is not why I took a picture of my frozen broccoli and cheese sauce. I love these individual steam fresh vegetables! Talk about an awesome lunch for a mom trying to keep up with a toddler. I can pop this in the microwave for 5 minutes, go hang with her while it cooks, and when the timer goes off I have a warm and at least semi-healthy lunch. Also, now that Ava is eating big people food, she can enjoy these veggies with me. They are so delicious and I usually stock up when they are on sale for $1.

I love to vacuum. Not like, oh, it is one of the house chores that I mind doing the least. No. I love to trail behind Ava sucking up stray Cheerios and bits of chicken nuggets. I love a freshly vacuumed room. I love the lines in the carpet. I just love it! I really love to vacuum with this vacuum because it cost...drumroll please...$0!!! Yes, that is right, someone moved out of our old apartment building and they left this gorgeous, perfectly good vacuum sitting outside the dumpster! Yea, it might make me cheap that I picked it up, but it also makes me smart! Don't let your pride get in the way of scoring a good deal. We have several items that we rescued from NEXT to, not IN, the dumpster. Although, if I found something really good sitting just inside the dumpster, then I might consider rescuing it too. Adrian's desk, my bedside lamp, a tower of drawers in our bathroom and even a wonderful smelling candle (still in the wrapper) were all rescued from next to a dumpster when neighbors moved. I totally understand dumpster diving!

 

 This chair holds a special place in my heart because it is the first stuffed piece of furniture that we had in this apartment and also because it is normally in Ava's room, which, to me, makes her room feel more luxurious, more cozy. It is also very special to me because I scooped it from the local Goodwill for $5. Seriously people, do you know where your local Goodwill is? Today I scooped a couch from our Goodwill, and the manager through in a BRAND NEW soft slipcover, for $40! Oh, and I also picked up a $10 7ft Christmas tree!!! So, those 3 items saved us approximately $500. Yea, $500! Now I don't have to type my fingers to the bone for a new couch and Christmas tree before Christmas, instead I can relax a little, on our couch :). We have several pieces of Goodwill furniture in our apartment, in fact, now we have a little too much furniture, but I can live with that!

 

 

Women, you should understand this one. It can be SO hard to find a good razor. Seriously. Ridiculously hard. Now, it can also be ridiculously hard to find a good facial cleanser. Noxzema rocks my face off in both categories. The razor pictured above has 4 blades and let me tell you, my legs were smooth as my daughter's butt and stayed that way for nearly 3 days! 3 FREAKIN DAYS! Also, there wasn't even a hint of that scraping feeling that some razors have. And Noxzema's facial cleanser makes my face feel like it is chewing a stick of Winterfresh. I love it.

I have to admit, though, that what I am most thankful for is obviously not some stupid little trinket, it is my family. My healthy daughter, my supportive fiance, the home we are making. While the smaller things I mentioned in this post bring me momentary bursts of happiness throughout the day, my family, they bring me a constant sense of pride and deeply felt joy.

So, what are you thankful for, both big and small?

Stupid Breast Cancer

My heart is so heavy tonight. I was totally caught off guard this evening when I called my grandma Click. I was yanked back 4 years in time.

My grandma will be undergoing her second mastectomy on Monday. Please pray for her. She is a breast cancer survivor. She is the mother of the mom I lost to breast cancer. She has been in remission for about 30 years I believe and now she is back up against that ugly enemy again.

I don't ask for much on this blog, but I am going to ask you for something tonight. Please pray.

Pray for the hands of the surgeon. Pray that all the cancer be removed. Pray for a fast recovery. Pray for my grandma's spirit. Pray for my family, especially the female descendants from my mom's side of the family. Pray that we not face the same fate. My great grandmother died from breast cancer, my grandma survived it once and now battles it again, and my mother passed at the age of 40 from breast cancer. I know that doctors would say that it is almost inevitable that my sister or myself, or maybe even my brother, develops breast cancer, but statistics do not determine my fate. Only one being determines my fate, one being far more powerful and omnipresent than breast cancer. God is the only one who controls my fate. Jesus alone decides who in my family, if anyone, battles this evil disease next. It never hurts to pray, but it might hurt not to.

A year in pictures and short video clips.

Ava,
You are a year old and I am probably in a corner crying because my baby is now a toddler. Umph. I remember those first few months that we spent snuggling, when I wished that I could have a free hand to do something, anything. It was hard sometimes, as an adult who was used to having all of her free time for herself, to slow down because there was a little someone who wanted to be held all day. I'm glad, though, that I did slow down. I'm glad that I spent all that time holding you and going on outings with you strapped to my chest. In fact, I am so glad that I did that, I enjoyed it so much that I already desire another little baby to hold. I don't want another baby to replace you, or because I am bored with you now that you don't want to be held as much. No, I want another baby because you are so wonderful that you make me want several more babies just like you. Of course, there is no guarantee that they will be like you, but I am willing to take the risk for even the slightest chance. I also want more babies so that you have siblings to grow up with.

Your uncle Mike and Titi Anne are two of my best friends. We used to play all kinds of fun games together, build forts together and all other kinds of fun stuff. I was an only child for 5 years, and I gotta tell you, it was kind of boring. So, I'm hoping that you will enjoy having siblings as much as I did and still do. I really hope that you enjoy being the oldest too. Being the oldest is kind of a cool role to have. When you learn to drive you can take your siblings out to grab lunch or watch a movie. You can show them how to do things like tie their shoes or put on makeup, although, possible future sisters will probably be more interested in the latter more than possible future brothers. I just really hope that when Mama and Daddy have another baby that you understand that we still love you just as much as always and that you will always hold a special place in our hearts as our first child.

Now then, this past year has been a big one for all three of us, and besides for the letters that I have written you over the past year on this here blog, I wanted to give you a way to look back at how you have changed both in physical appearance and in ability. So, here it is Ava, your first year of life in pictures and short video clips:

We are women, here us RAWR!

I like to call that tongue Ava's Tongue of Determination. In this picture it is out because crawling around in her fat lion suit wasn't an easy task. I see that tongue come out any time that she is really concentrating or exerting a great physical effort to achieve something. That tongue makes me proud.

You see, on a daily basis I will tell Ava, while completing a task, that we are women, we can do anything, and that the world should hear us RAWR! She thinks the part where I RAWR is funny. I hope that by repeating this to her on a daily basis, it will really set in.

This past week I spent a great deal of physical and mental energy rearranging the front portion of our apartment. Adrian's desk had to be moved out of the front closet, which he was using as an office, so that boxes with no place to go could be stored in there. Then all the furniture in the livingroom needed to be rearranged, some pieces needed to be cleared of junk and our diningroom table needed to be put in the diningroom, where there was still a pile of stuff left from when my desk was there.

Did reading all that make you tired? Yea, just imagine how tired I felt thinking about accomplishing all of that.

While Adrian cleaned the trash out of his office and took the bags of trash that were already gathered by the front door out, I was still left with a good amount of the work. But I had my Tongue of Determination out because all I really wanted was a wide open livingroom floor for Ava to crawl around on.

For 2 days I sorted boxes, stored away boxes, cleared furniture and moved furniture. I found a home for all of my craft stuff when it seemed that no space existed. Then, finally, on Saturday night everything was in place and it felt good. SO GOOD that I didn't even mind when Ava got up at 3 am to hang out.

I love days home with her now, watching her move around the livingroom, pulling herself up on one piece of furniture and then another. I don't even mind that she is constantly trying to pull my adapter off of my laptop.

Oh, and I accomplished all of this while I quit smoking and completing enough work to bring in a sizable paycheck this Tuesday. So, Ava, WE ARE WOMEN, HEAR US RAWR!

11 months old

Ava, my squishy,

Today you are officially 11 months old. I can't believe it has been 11 months since doctors went into my stomach to retrieve you. Too much information? Ah well.

You are something else, sweet love of mine. You definitely have a strong will that you try and test up against mine. It is kind of funny to me because you act as though you want to be fiercely independent, yet you also want me to hold you all day.

Today we spent some time snuggling in Mama and Daddy's bed, just you and me, watching YouTube videos. Then you got bored and decided that you would use Mama as a stepping stool while you played with the blinds on the window behind me. Oh, how you love those blinds. They never get old, those slats of plain white vinyl. You see, this is one of the things I love about you, your never ending curiosity. You must touch everything. If you think it might be edible, you must taste it. And you must do all the touching and tasting on your own.

I like to foster your independence and curiosity when every possible. Just this past week Mama and Daddy decided that you we let you feed yourself a messy bean burrito, one of your favorite foods. We like to let you feed yourself, not only so you get the practice, but also so that we can eat before our food is cold. So, we cut up your burritos into bite-sized bits, put your Bumbo chair in the bathtub (don't worry, the tub was clean) and then snapped on the tray loaded with the tasty bits. You had a blast, and I have the photographic evidence to prove it:

You also enjoy cheeseburgers, which I never really thought to give you. I always figured they would be a mess, but we ordered it plain and you actually started eating it before we even tore it up into bite-sized pieces:

 

 

Man, were you all over that burger! Of course, Mama and Daddy are always on the sidelines, more than willing to cheer you on, no matter how small the task might seem. We ooooh and aaaah at every new skill learned. You look at us like we are nuts, like "What's the big deal?"

Well, Ava, let me tell you what the big deal is: in 11 months you have gone from unable to do anything aside from eat, sleep, pee, poop and cry to feeding yourself and getting around on your own. You have gone from barely being able to hold your own eyes open to able to hold up your own body weight on those delicious thighs you have. You have gone from using your parents as a pillow to using us as a Jungle Gym. That is a lot of progress in 11 months, and that is not even half of it.

I tell you all the time how adorable you are--as does the rest  of the world--but I also try to remember to tell you how smart and strong you are. Ava, sometimes you drive be crazy. Your strong will makes me wanna rip my hair out and has me running to the other room to cuss. That same strong will, however, also has my heart jumping for joy. I am trying so hard to get over my own hang up with regards to caring too much what others think about me. I don't want you to ever care too much about what other people say. While it is always a good idea to listen to others and consider what they have to say, it is never a good idea to let you life be completely or even primarily influenced by what others might think of you. There is a difference between being polite and respectful and losing yourself to please others. I'll work on my hang up and do the best I can do keep from passing it on to you. 

Hold on to that strong will of yours. Just, please, set it aside for nap time, okay?

Love, 

Mama

Oh, October, what a mixed bag of emotions you are.

We are a few days into October. This month is such a weird one for me.

October brings fall; I love fall.

October holds both my mother's birthday and Adrian's mother's birthday.

October is National Breast Cancer Month, which is kind of ironic in a saddening way.

October ends with Halloween--you know I love candy.

So, October is Abby's Emotional Rollercoaster Month.

I have enough distance from my mother's death to not feel the crushing weight of sadness on her birthday that I felt the first few years that she wasn't here to go to Red Lobster on her birthday. That doesn't mean, however, that I don't feel the heavy presence of my mother during this beautiful autumn month, that I don't miss her a little more than usual this month.

You know, thinking about my mother seems almost strange to me now. Not strange in a bad way, just, odd I guess. How odd to think it odd to think of one's mother. But, this is the thing, I honestly can't imagine what it would be like if my mother were in my life right now. I don't know what her role would be. Well, at least I can't imagine it without great time spent pondering. I will have to spend time pondering it soon though. (Long story.)

Anyhoo. So, here we are, here I am, in October, once again. This October, however, I have my sweet Ava. Sweet Ava whose name means "bird like", whose nana had the nickname of "Bird". Sweet Ava, who smiles at me like she can see straight through my eyes to my heart, like she can see how much love that heart holds for her. Sweet Ava who will dress like a lion, with a bow in its mane, even though female lions don't have manes. (Yea, weird I know.)

When I was pregnant with Ava, I struggled with fresh wounds caused by my mother's passing. My mother always made it very clear that she wanted grandchildren, and lots of them. I cried countless tears over what my mother would miss, over what I would miss, over what that little person, whose foot was always lodged in my ribs, would miss. I turned to books for advice because there was no mother. I leaned extra hard into my midwife because I couldn't lean on my mother. I still tear up sometimes when I show Ava pictures of her nana and explain that she will probably act just like nana someday because there is just no escaping a personality as big as her nana's. Her mama couldn't escape, so I doubt that she will be able to. And for this, she should be thankful, because her nana was loved by many. Deeply, deeply loved. I struggle with how I will be able to really let Ava know her nana. Not just her face, but her. I guess the best I can do for now is pictures and an October filled with smiles instead of tears.

So, this October, the subtle sting of yet another one of my mother's birthdays passing without her here, will be lessened even further by the cherubic face of a little girl, my little girl, whose eyes I can look through to see how much love her heart holds for me.

Coming soon!

The soon-to-be hubby and I will be launching our blogs and vlogs soon. I like to think of the project as a media invasion. I am most excited about trying to form an online community with people from all over. I know there will be haters, but that is life. Haters gonna hate. I will just take comfort in the fact that there is more love than hate in this world.

So, in honor of the love, I would like to compile a list of things I love, both currently, and always.

• Sinful Colors nail polish- I don't like to wear the same color on my nails for more than a week or two at a time. I also don't like to spend a ton on nail polish. Sinful Colors holds up well for a week or two and only costs $1.88 at Meijers! Woot woot for great CHEAP nail polish.
• Ava's chubby fingers grabbing at food- Seriously, until you have watched chubby fingers pinch a Cheerio, you have not lived.
• All things Twilight- Obvious, I know. But seriously, I am reading the books for the 3rd time and will not admit how many times I have watched the movie and special features. 
• YouTube- I love refreshing my YouTube homepage to find new videos by the channels I am subscribed to. Shaytards, CTFxC, CharlesTrippy, sxephil, etc. 
• Demand Studios- I love working from home, I love twice weekly paydays, and I love learning and writing about random topics.
• Mr. Short- Talk about a good man. I don't know what I did to deserve him, I just hope that I continue to do it for the rest of my life.
• My title as "Mama"- It is weird, but sometimes I still catch myself in awe of the fact that I am a parent. And not just any parent, I am Ava's parent. I am her Mama. Gosh, I love that girl. Knowing that I am helping to raise a happy little girl is to empowering. She relies on me and Adrian for her every need, and we seem to meeting those needs and then some. That is the sweetest kind of success. 
• Make up- I went through a phase in high school when I couldn't leave the house without make up on. Then I went through a phase when I hardly ever wore make up. Now I am kind of heading back to not leaving the house without it. Of course, this time around, it isn't because I am scared to be seen without make up, it is more about me feeling put together. Me feeling like a woman who is more than a mom, a woman who has her own thing. I think it is important for mothers to have an identity aside for their child.
• Secondhand stores- I love Once Upon a Child. I love Goodwill. I love Value World. There is just something about being able to go shopping without much cash and coming away with some real treasures. Adrian says I should have been a personal shopper. I think I should have been a personal shopper for those without much money to work with. My mom taught me how to find the deals, and oh boy, do I find them!
• Fall- I love the smell, the gloominess, the changing colors, the weather, the holidays. I love it all, I love fall!
• Ava in dresses- I got 3 dresses for Ava for $11 this past week, secondhand of course, and Adrian and I agree that there is just something about Ava in a dress. 
• Candy- Come on, I'm human and I'm female, I love candy!
• Taco Bell- Adrian has finally seen the light that is The Bell and I couldn't be happier. Ava loves bean burritos. Adrian loves chicken quesadillas, and I love, well, too many menu items to list.
• Noxema- I have tried more than my fair share of facial cleansers and nothing seems to come close to Noxema. I love how it makes my face feel wintry fresh. I also love how inexpensive it is. I prefer the pump Noxema over the tub, it lathers better.
• Vaseline- Is there any limit to the number of uses for this product? I think not. I even heard you can use it when you wear heels to prevent blisters by putting it where you heels rub, such as on your heel, toes, etc. I like to use it with my less expensive lip glosses, you know, the ones that aren't very smooth and tend to dry out quickly. It smooths them out and makes them last longer.
• Glass jars with "canister" lids- Do you know which ones I am talking about? The ones with the metal latches? Yea, those. I got 4 from Value World, I think in total I only spent $4-5. I use 3 in the bathroom to hold hair ties, cotton balls and Q-tips. They look pretty and are functional. I don't know what I am going to use the last one for just yet, I am thinking tea bags and hot chocolate packets in the winter. Or maybe candy. You can never have too much candy around the house.
• Baby gate play yard- Ava gets to move around and I don't have to watch her every move. Brand new they are kind of costly, like around $70, but I got hers used, of course, for $18. She loves and I love it.

(Wow, this is a long list, but it feels good to really think about the things I am thankful for.)

• Good friends and family- Finding a good friend is like finding the perfect pair of heels. Heels that are comfortable, inexpensive and looks fabulous. In other words, it isn't easy. I have had my fair share of friendships that were EPIC FAILS. Friends who wanted me to be what they needed instead of who I was. Friends who betrayed me. Friends who judged me. This is why I am SO thankful for GREAT friends. Friends that will be real with you and appreciate when you are real with them. Friends who you can laugh with. Friends who you can cry with. Just friends that are the epitome of the word. I am so happy that I can say that I have friends like this. YOU know who you are people!
• Cozy bedding- Can I get an AMEN?! You know what I am talking about. The kind of bedding that makes you sleepy just thinking about curling up in it. The kind of bedding that makes it hard to remove yourself from bed, ever. Bedding that is cute and comfortable. I highly recommend Jersey sheets. I will never have another kind of sheet so long as I live.

Alright, I am done for now. Time to spend some time with my best gal pal, Ava.

Mama and daughter days out!

So, my new favorite thing to do is take Ava out, just me and her, to run stupid little errands and grab some lunch together.

She is great at helping me pick nail colors. I hold up bottles of polish, one at a time, and if she gets excited and waves her hands in the air then I know the color is a winner!

She will even let me know when she likes an outfit I am thinking about buying for her and when she doesn't. Sometimes I hold up an outfit and she is thrilled. Other times I hold up an outfit and she just stares at it and then stares at me. Those outfits go back on the rack. I like to try and give Ava as much control over her outfits and toys as possible. Or at least I like to feel like I am. So far she is really digging dresses, which I am absolutely thrilled about. She got 3 new/used dresses today, and all 3 together only cost me $11!!!

I heart Once Upon a Child!

She also got a huge stack of books. I am constantly trying to line her bookshelves with a wide variety of stories. Goodwill and Once Upon a Child are my favorite places to get her books. They aren't scribbled in and they are DIRT cheap. At once upon a child they are usually $.50 to $1.50, unless you happen upon a Dr. Suess, those will cost you $2.50 (I got lucky and found Cat in the Hat today!). Even at $2.50 the books are super cheap!

I also like to buy her used VHS tapes from Goodwill. With everyone converting to DVDs, there is never a shortage of classic children's movies on VHS, especially Disney and Nickelodeon movies!

I have never really purchased used toys for Ava before. Not because I have anything against them, but mostly just because she is just now at the age where she needs more than an empty paper towel roll for mental stimulation. So, today I picked her up 4 new/used toys. 2 of the toys cost me $1.50 the other 2 were $2.50. You can NOT beat those prices. I take a little time to dig through for the toys in the best condition, as well as toys that Ava flaps her arms for. It definitely pays off though!

I got Ava a big pink hairbow today as well, to finish off her Halloween costume. She is going to be a lion, but I wanted to add bows to her costume so people know she is a girl and don't assume she is a boy. So, I am going to clip the big boy in her costume's mane and I will make a smaller pink boy for the tale.

All in all, it was a fun and successful day!

Now I am going to go relax and read some New Moon while she naps!

Bye for now interwebs!

Do you ever feel like things are off-balance?

I try really hard to keep personal things personal, I really do. But when something is bothering me so much that it starts to dominate my thoughts, well then, I either can't blog or I have to say something about it. So, here goes my attempt at getting it off my chest without divulging too many details.

Women, do you ever feel like the captain of the ship when you would rather be a crew member?

I don't want you to think that I don't appreciate the feminist movement, or that I want to be the type of woman who just sits back and keeps her mouth shut, but I AM the type of woman who wants the man of the house to be a man.

Sometimes it feels like our house is running on a sort of free-for-all. I don't like this. At all. It is hard to have a child and no structure to your life. It is hard to know who is doing what when there is no structure. Hard to make sure responsibilities are evenly divided, not that a tally is a healthy thing to keep, but just a general idea of the balance.

No general idea of balance exists in this house right now and it is driving me bananas.

I think part of the problem is the fact that I stay at home with Ava while Adrian works, but I also work from home. Sometimes I try to squeeze in work while I am watching Ava, but more times than not I can only work after she has gone to bed or when Adrian is watching her, and I mean really watching her. I can't stay focused if I am constantly having to shift gears from mother to writer to title proofer and back again.

I try to write while Ava naps, but if she is fighting a nap then I can't really write because I have to get up and switch gears every couple of minutes, so by the time she does go to sleep my focus is lost.

So, how do you keep the balance is such a situation?

It isn't like I can say, well I work and you work and then we each do half of the household stuff and spend equal time with Ava while we are home. I can't leave my work at the office, it is with me all of the time. As long as I don't have to take care of Ava, I have the option to work. This makes is complicated for me because I don't know how to balance personal time, work, time with Ava, time spent on house chores and time spent with Adrian. Which, I admit, lately, not much time has been spent with Adrian, mostly because I am completely frustrated with the LACK OF STRUCTURE. Oh my gosh where is the STRUCTURE?!

THEN, structure is even harder to achieve when Adrian doesn't have a set work schedule. It isn't like we can say, well, from 9-5 you work, from 5-7 we have family time, 7-9 is couple time, 9-11 is personal time and we hit the sack at 11. No no no. Instead, one day he'll work 7am to noon and then the next 1:30pm to 9. WHAT THE FREAK!?

You know, I was worried that this would end up being a rant about Adrian, but instead, it is really a rant about outside forces that are making it really hard for either of us to establish any structure.

Something has got to give.

I am sure a lot more of this will be discussed when we start blogging and vlogging together at our new site(s).

There isn't anything there to read yet, but you can check out the designs by clicking through each side using the navigation bars at the top. Leave a comment on the construction posts telling me what you think of the layouts and such.

Start the adventure here: yourdailyshortstack.blogspot.com

Thanks for letting me vent. I am open to suggestions of how we can get some STRUCTURE into our lives. We need structure!

Oy!

So, I am in the middle of an epic nap battle with Ava. She seems to think that if she continues to cry long enough I will go in and let her have her way. Argh. She is persistent, I'll give her that. What she doesn't know, however, is I know that if I give in, I will have to continue to deal with such battles for the rest of my life.

I know she is tired, I watched her yawn and rub her eyes. She isn't thirsty, she took two sips for her sippy cup and was done. She has teethy medicine on her gums, so that isn't the issue. Diaper is fresh. Fan is on. Blankets are available. Pacifier is in. House is quiet. So the only thing wrong is her thinking that she doesn't need a nap when she is tired. And yes, I go through this checklist every single time she fights sleep. I do make sure that she is alright before I chalk it up to a strong will. I don't let her cry it out either, well, at least not in the sense that I never go back in her room. I go back in there every couple minutes to place her back in the laying position.

I don't talk to her when I go back in, I go in calm, silently lay her back down, re-tuck her in, and exit the room. She rolls over to the crawling position, pulls herself up on the front of her crib, removes her pacifier and begins to tell the world how evil her mama is. I would honestly laugh if it wasn't so frustrating to have to get up every few minutes to lay her back down.

Part of me is proud of her for standing her ground, and for such a long time. The only problem is, I am not the person to do that with. Stand your ground with an unfair teacher, bravo. Stand your ground against racists, bravo. Stand your ground against negative peer pressure, you go girl! Stand your ground against your parents who only have your best interests in mind, GO TO SLEEP!

She is quiet now, maybe she finally reached the point of exhaustion.

Who ever might think being a stay at home parent is easy, let me tell you this, a single nap-time battle is enough to make me consider working 40 hours a week outside of the home. Not enough to make me do it, but enough to make it sound nice.

Well, now that she is asleep and this blog post has successfully calmed me down and distracted me from her last few minutes of crying, I am going to try and relax with some Twilight before it is time to get her up to take Daddy to work.